Yes, that seems to be the elephant in the room lately. People want to know, want to ask, but sometimes don't know how to ask. I know, I probably scared some away the first week with tears.
I am doing just fine. I have a new found independence and confidence that I knew was always there, but wasn't needed. It is there because I realized that I have two beautiful "babies" that need me to be that mama.
My family has been extraordinary as I knew they would. The support I have is unbelievable. The kids and I are in great hands.
My friends have been soo supportive, as I would have expected. Yes, I get lots of compliments on my new "look".
Katia is doing great. She has always been a "mama's" girl! I have noticed that she is recently more clingy to me just like when I first returned home from Russia with her. She wants to be held by me most all of the time. She can sometimes follow me around and just scream until I pick her up. I know, Grandma J tells me that I need to stop holding her soo much. I can't help it...that's MY Baby! So I do think on some level "it" has impacted her. She doesn't seem to miss anyone though or notice that anything is different.
Roman....this is the point where I come to tears. Ahh.....my heart breaks for him and what "it" has done to him. Nightmares that people are trying to get him. People chasing him and trying to take him away from Mommy. He wakes up screaming most nights. He is constantly asking where I am and won't sit in a room alone to watch TV or play without me or a family member there. I had put some old pictures out from Christmas past, one which was of Roman sitting on Santa's lap. Roman started crying when he saw the picture and wondered why Santa tried to take him from Mommy. Grandma J and I told him that Mommy was right there for the picture with him, that Santa wouldn't take him from Mommy. I finally had to put the picture away because it was too upsetting. He will start crying for no reason and want to be held. I know I am probably soo sensitive because I experienced the same thing at his age, and I remember some of the feelings and insecurities that I had. I'd like to say they all pass within a few months, but I know that isn't true. Yes, this is being addressed.
On a positive note, I will say that Roman has assumed the role of "man" of the house. One example was one morning this week. I needed to run upstairs to get a new shirt for Katia (she spilled something all over it while eating breakfast). As I was going upstairs Roman asked if he could get have some juice. I told him "sure, I'll get it as soon as I get back downstairs". Well, by the time I got back downstairs I noticed he was cleaning up a mess on the kitchen table. In the short time I was "gone" he used a stool to climb up on a kitchen counter, found his cup with a lid, got the juice out of the refrigerator, poured it into a cup and re-attached the lid, and spilled a little on the kitchen table. As I arrived downstairs, I looked at him and said "What happened?" He said, "don't be mad mommy, I was trying to help you and got my own juice but spilled a little bit on the counter". OK....how could you not start crying at hearing that!? Sweet, Sweet boy!
Let's keep on with funny stories. Roman asked the other night if Grandma J was going to spend another night with us (yes, with all the change and turmoil she's been here a lot through the transition). I told him, no Grandma needs to go home tonight. Of course, Roman asked "why?". I said "Roman, your Grandma needs to get home to your Grandpa". Roman looked and me and said, "Well, Grandpa is a big boy...he can stay all by himself!"
On a final note with my little man, he told me yesterday: "Mommy I need to buy you some more flowers and I always will because flowers make you happy!"
If he only knew--it is he and Katia that truly make me a happy Mommy!!
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